Why Won't You Apologize? (英語) ペーパーバック – 2018/1/11
Kindle 端末は必要ありません。無料 Kindle アプリのいずれかをダウンロードすると、スマートフォン、タブレットPCで Kindle 本をお読みいただけます。
`Soulful, compassionate, and oh so right' Susie Orbach Endowed with the power to rebuild broken relationships and restore trust, "I'm sorry" are the two most important words in our language. But what makes a good apology? Why are some people unable to say sorry while others apologize all the time? Should we always forgive those who offer to make amends? In this sanity-saving guide to setting things right, renowned psychologist and bestselling author Harriet Lerner answers these questions and more. Drawing on personal stories and solid theory she explains the transformative power of forgiveness and how we can heal the wounds we've inflicted (or suffered). Lerner teaches us how to be mindful in crafting a meaningful apology, and the importance of resisting the pressure to forgive too easily while keeping peace of mind.
`Soulful, compassionate and oh so right' -- Susie Orbach `This book is a game changer' -- Brene Brown, PhD, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Rising Strong `Draws you in with deft and engaging prose, and then changes your life with her rigorous intelligence and her deeply human advice' -- Esther Perel, MA, LMFT author of Mating in Captivity Lerner pioneers on behalf of women's whole humanity' -- Gloria Steinem商品の説明をすべて表示する
Subsequently we go over and beyond to ensure they last, sometimes in a negative aspect and other times in a positive one. We tolerate abuse and mistreatment in the name of love with the belief that having someone and something is better than nothing. On the other hand we broadcast unconditional love, and compassion. Further, sometimes it's a friend, family member, or spouse that surprises us with a wrongdoing, incurring damage to us and the relationship.
"We are hardwired to seek justice and fairness (however we see it), so the need to receive a sincere apology that’s due is deeply felt. We are also imperfect human beings and prone to error and defensiveness, so the challenge of offering a heartfelt apology permeates almost every relationship."
We try so hard to receive an apology, to make the other aware of our pain and hurt, while at the same time, ironically it is fairly difficult for us to give a genuine apology.
Sometimes we don't apologize correctly and wonder why our relationships aren't moving forward.
"It doesn’t matter if the statement you make after the “but” is true—it makes the apology false. It says, in effect, “Given the whole situation, my rudeness (or lateness, or sarcastic tone, or what-have-you) is pretty understandable.”
When apologizing we need to take into consideration the other persons feelings and hurt, not ours. To truly understand and repair our relationships we need to come from a place of unselfishness.
"A Good Apology Is Not About You Part of a true apology is staying deeply curious about the hurt person’s experience rather than hijacking it with your own emotionality. A heartfelt apology is not about you. If your intention is to offer a genuine apology, it’s the hurt party’s anger and pain that matters. Save yours for a different conversation."
“We apologize when we accept responsibility for an offence or grievance and express remorse in a direct, personal and unambiguous manner, offering restitution and promising not to do it again.” A good apology includes the words “I’m sorry” without “ifs,” “buts,” or any manner of undoings, obfuscations, and the like.
This book provides us with insight on how to properly receive, give and understand apologies.
There is the entire chapter called "How to find peace", and yet, the only answer she gives is "Any way you can".
Oh, thank you so much, it really helps.
Seems like Harriet Lerner betrayed the trust I put into her book and should apologise :)
The book might be useful for someone who wants to learn how to make good apologies, though.