Stephen Colbert's Midnight Confessions (英語) ハードカバー – 2017/9/5
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Forgive him, Father, for Stephen Colbert has sinned. He knew it was wrong at the time. But he went ahead and did it anyway. Now he’s begging for forgiveness. Based on his popular segment from The Late Show, Stephen Colbert and his team of writers now reveal his most shameful secrets to millions (although, actually, he’d like you not to tell anyone). Midnight Confessions is an illustrated collection of Stephen Colbert at his most brilliant and irreverent.
—New York Magazine
“True to Colbert form, this book is witty, clever, and fun.”
—Esquire, Best Books of 2017
“Fans of “The Late Show” can have a few laughs without losing sleep.”
—Family Circle, Best Books of 2017
Here are some of his:
I have violent thoughts when people use the terms "sci-fi" and "fantasy" interchangeably. "Oh, I love science fiction. I just read Lord of the Rings." I will end you.
I update my iPhone software way more often than I call my sister.
I have a fair amount of gay friends, but sometimes....I worry that I haven't made enough gay enemies.
I have impure thoughts about the Land O'Lakes Butter Lady. But mostly about the butter.
I wouldn't hurt a fly. But when it comes to mosquitoes, I am one sick some of a bitch.
I haven't looked in my refrigerator's crisper since 1987. I can hear the brussels sprouts screaming.
I have no skeletons in my closet. They're buried under the porch.
One of the wise men in my Nativity scene broke, and instead of buying a new one, I replaced him with Lego Batman.
Here are some sent it:
I park my car between 2 trucks in the parking lot so drivers will think they found an open spot until the last moment.
Sometimes I fake an orgasm so my roommates don't suspect I'm in my room scrapbooking.
I've never told anyone this before, but I have no idea how plastic wrap works.
Overall this is a hilarious book and one worth reading. I cannot recommend it enough.