In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing With Manipulative People (英語) ペーパーバック – 2010/4/1
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--Erin, online purchaser"
Thank you for your book, In Sheep s Clothing. My husband and Isaw several counselors to help us through the problems we werehaving with my mother-in-law who is immature and manipulative.The counselors spent most of their time trying to get me [to accepther], instead of teaching me [as only your book did] ways to copewith her manipulation.
--Erin, online purchaser"
"Thank you for your book, In Sheep's Clothing. My husband and I saw several counselors to help us through the problems we were having with my mother-in-law who is immature and manipulative. The counselors spent most of their time trying to get me [to accept her], instead of teaching me [as only your book did] ways to cope with her manipulation."--Erin, online purchaser
Dr. George Simon received his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Texas Tech University. As a private practitioner and consultant, he specialized in disturbances of personality and character for more than 25 years.
He has appeared on several national radio and television programs, including Fox News Network and CNN, given more than 300 workshops and seminars nationwide, and consulted to numerous businesses, agencies, and organizations seeking his expertise on character disturbance. His book, In Sheeps Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, regarded by many as the premier book on manipulation, has remained a bestseller for over 17 years, and has enjoyed a five-star rating since it debuted with both Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.com. A newly revised and expanded edition was published by Parkhurst Brothers in 2010.
In August 2010, Parkhurst Brothers released Dr. Simons second book: Character Disturbance: The Phenomenon of Our Age. This groundbreaking book takes an in-depth look at how the modern age of permissiveness and entitlement has fueled an epidemic of responsibility-challenged personalities, provides common sense guidelines for understanding and dealing with impaired characters, and outlines the steps societies must take to promote solid character formation in their citizens.
In 2013, Abingdon Press released Dr. Simons first book written exclusively for the Christian faith community, The Judas Syndrome. Only six days after its release, it received its first five-star review on Amazon.com. In this book, Dr. Simon shares his observations about the power of genuine faith to heal and transform.
Until recently, Dr. Simon maintained an active private practice dedicated to assisting individuals develop character. In addition to providing psychotherapy services to persons interested in character development, he specialized in comprehensive personality assessments, mental health professional training, consultations to businesses and organizations, and support services to individuals in relationships with problem characters. He has posted more than 150 Internet articles, and is on the faculty of several popular international blogs.
Perhaps one of his proudest achievements, Dr. Simon is also the principal composer of Anthem for the Millennium (America, My Home!). The song gained popularity when a regional television station paired it with a video montage after the 9-11 attacks, and it has now been performed live to audiences totaling over one million.
More information about Dr. Simon may be found on his blog: www.manipulative-people.com or his website: www.drgeorgesimon.com.
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It will help you to understand that there are damaged people out there who do NOT have your best interests at heart.
If it is a member of your family...well, I am sorry if you're just discovering this. It is very hard to accept that there is nothing you can do to make the relationship better. It is not your fault (if you are the empathetic one). the were made/nurtured this way. And, of course, if you can manage to step back, before the corrosiveness of this difficult relationship starts to cause actual harm to your health...then, so much the better. You will not be thanked for doing so, but it seems to be the only way. Trying to change/heal the relationship means the other person will be storing up info on you to use at some later date (in mine, and many of my friends' experiences).
Time to notice, accept, mourn (or whatever) this dysfunctional relationship with sociopaths, perhaps?
Whatever you do, do not try to 'expose' them (unless it is safe to do so...so have plenty of evidence to back up your version of events, and dependable people who will support you)... That could really cause them to fixate on you and cause serious damage to your reputation and/or mental health.
Read this basic book. It's very helpful, even though basic. Then pass it on to someone else that you might be concerned for.
There aren't many sociopaths in the world (well around 4 per cent so actually that's quite a lot!) and most people don't have them in their circle of relationships, so you can be greeted with suspicion when you start being able to identify them.
The message is: Be careful if you are an Empath...especially around Apaths and Sociopaths. If you can live your life without it being affected by either, you're a very fortunate person.
Best of luck.
This book is a valuable tool to those who have been subjected to manipulative people to help see the behaviour for what it is. It's educating and very well written. I commend the author for educating about this behaviour.
It explains the symptoms and behaviours of manipulatuve people well but has little about how to deal with it. It disappointed me in many ways:
Firstly, the cases were all very mild examples of behaviour, it really could have done with some closer to my own experience of being manipulated and both physically and mentally abused by my partner.
Secondly, the cases are without exception a man manipulating a woman. Again, I know from personal experience this is not always the case, at least one or two should have shown the man being treated in such a way.
Thirdly, the author goes off, as so many in this sphere seem to do, into a holier than thou type rambling about the imperfections of the human race rather than sticking to his subject.
Lastly, the section on how to deal with the issue was comparatively very short whereas this is the piece people who buy the book are presumably most keen on.
Society has changed in regard to personality and character, and the 'old' models of therapy are no longer conducive when dealing with the personality issues we are now presented with.
If nothing else, this book reminds us that although we cannot always change the manipulative behaviour of others, we can change how we behave and respond to them.
He talks of the 'neurotics' and the 'character disordered' at either end of the spectrum but could just as easily have been talking about 'empaths and narcissists', 'codependents and manipulators' or 'victims and abusers.'
I was interested that he perceives part of the societal problem as the general tendency to make excuses for manipulators - the old 'hurt people hurt people' adage. But he tolerates no excuses at all. These aggressors deliberately and consciously set out to win the fight of taking control and cruelly believe the means justify the ends. As he says the victim makes himself (or herself) miserable, the abuser makes others miserable.
He gives good advice on how victims should develop self awareness and boundaries. My only two criticisms would be that there is very little on what makes us either a neurotic or character disordered person in childhood. And also that he seems to suggest that if a victim takes appropriate action they can live with an abuser. Two women a week are killed in the UK by abusers. I would have liked to see more acknowledgement about how dangerous these people can be and how important it is to have a well thought out, well supported and effective escape strategy.
It covers different types of aggression and the desire to control especially from what is labelled a Covert-aggressor. Not to be mixed up with Passive-Aggression which is different. The CA list of operating tactics and impact on others is very similar to the Covert Narcissist but not exactly the same.
These are dangerous people with totally wrong motives who can cause tremendous harm in your life. Reading this book gives you the insights into how they tick, what that looks like, how they achieve it and identify you as a target and most importantly how to not be vulnerable and recognise the manipulative predator early...and run!
One thing that stuck with me after reading this was the comment that many of us think people are fundamentally the same. Maybe someone is a bit broken, damaged and if we try to help them they’ll change. Wrong. The book teaches that certain personality disordered people are hard wired that way and do not think the same or have the same agenda to their counterparts. Keep that tidbit handy.
Details of how manipulation looks to what it can do over time. You’ll be worn down, hopeless, confused and this can lead to depression and other issues that make you even more vulnerable to the predators need to control you covertly.
An essential read. Everyone should be aware of how these dangerous folk operate and be educated on how to avoid them. 4 stars.
It has helped me realise past manipulative relationships and I'm starting to deal with this now.
I would recommend this to anyone who feels they might have a manipulative person in their lives past or present. I am far too trusting and an easy target for them.
It can be emotionally hard to read at times but has been an amazing revelation for me. It's hard to believe people can be that manipulative but they really can.
However, I am only giving it four stars because I would have liked more information on how to respond effectively to manipulative people; and there are so very many errors in the text. I suspect the book was originally published in a different format and the text was taken from that format and dropped into this one without the help of a proper typesetter. There are lots of words which are broken with a hyphen, even though they're in the middle of a line; and several other mistakes. A shame, as it did spoil the reading for me a little.
Couldn't put the book down, also related to it all, has helped me greatly and recently of being tried to be manipulated. I learnt techniques and still pick the book up, even though I have read it for reference.
Anyone suffered from mental abuse and being manipulated, would highly recommend.
If you have been emotionally abused and suffer from depression both these books would be very helpful. In my opinion better than any counselling once you have recognised that certain people are indifferent to you and only want to use you for their own purposes.