The Secret Life of Families: Making Decisions About Secrets: When Keeping Secrets Can Harm You, When Keeping Secrets Can Heal You-And How to Know the Difference (英語) ペーパーバック – 1999/9/1
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Secrets come in all shapes and sizes. And for families as well as individuals, they are built on a complex web of shifting motives and emotions. But today, when personal revelations are posted on the Internet or sensationalized on afternoon talk shows, we risk losing touch with how important secrets are--how they are used and abused, their power to harm and heal.
In this important work, Evan Imber-Black explores the nature of secrets, helping us understand:
The distinction between healthy privacy and toxic secrecy
What to tell--and not to tell--young children
How to safely confront a family "zone of silence"
Why adolescents need to have some secrets--and where to draw the line
The effect of "official" secrets, like sealed adoption records and medical testing
What to consider before revealing an important secret
And much more
Filled with moving first-person stories, The Secret Life of Families provides perspective on some of today's most sensitive personal and social issues. Giving voice to our deepest fears and to our power to overcome them, this is a book that will be talked about for years to come.
"A must-read book--daring, compassionate, timely, and eminently useful."
--Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger and The Dance of Deception
"What a pleasure!...Wise and discerning."
--Donald A. Bloch, M.D., Past President, American Family Therapy Academy
"[A] powerful, groundbreaking book...Brave, compelling, and important."
--Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression
The chapter about revealing secrets in the media helps clarify the cultural evolution that laid the groundwork for today's social media atmosphere. The handling of secrets in public has continued down the trajectory originally described in this book - sometimes less stigma, sometimes more voyeurism into others pain, an artificial sense of community support, & the misguided presumption that outside observers have the right to judge & offer pat solutions to issues that are far more complex.
Another review complained about the number of stories of patients . I disagree with that assessment. Each story helps illustrate how complex secret-keeping can be - & how it is impossible to reduce a person's angst to a simple answer.
Each chapter explains the different factors that go into secret-keeping, & invites us to learn how to be more empathetic.
What is a dangerous secret? A toxic secret? A private matter? A "sweet" secret? Is this my secret to keep or not? This book provides the tools to help clarify these complex questions - & offers assurance for gracefully working through the process of making the best choices that we can through the different seasons of life.