Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (Nonviolent Communication Guides) ペーパーバック – 2015/9/1
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1,000,000 copies sold worldwide Translated in More Than 30 Languages. What is Violent Communication? If "violent" means acting in ways that result in hurt or harm, then much of how we communicate-judging others, bullying, having racial bias, blaming, finger pointing, discriminating, speaking without listening, criticizing others or ourselves, name-calling, reacting when angry, using political rhetoric, being defensive or judging who's "good/bad" or what's "right/wrong" with people-could indeed be called "violent communication." What is Nonviolent Communication? Nonviolent Communication is the integration of 4 things: Consciousness: a set of principles that support living a life of empathy, care, courage, and authenticity Language: understanding how words contribute to connection or distance Communication: knowing how to ask for what we want, how to hear others even in disagreement, and how to move toward solutions that work for all Means of influence: sharing "power with others" rather than using "power over others" Nonviolent Communication serves our desire to do three things: 1: Increase our ability to live with choice, meaning, and connection 2: Connect empathically with self and others to have more satisfying relationships 3: Sharing of resources so everyone is able to benefit "Nonviolent Communication shows us a way of being very honest, without any criticism, insults, or put-downs, and without any intellectual diagnosis implying wrongness." - Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD
"You have to be able to say, 'Where is this person coming from?' he says. 'What makes them tick? Why are they excited or frustrated by something that is happening, whether it's about computing or beyond computing?' There's far more to McCracken's outstanding piece. Nadella gave him a close and honest look at both himself and Microsoft, and the result is a fun must-read." --Ben Kerschberg, Forbes
"Upon becoming Microsoft CEO, Satya Nadella asked his top executives to read Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication. . . . If empathy as a measure of emotional IQ is a predictor of success, then Nadella hit the nail on the head by inculcating the corporate giant with the trait from top to bottom. Why else is empathy important? Microsoft is both a services and a product company, and its offerings have to resonate with users. Nadella states: 'You have to be able to say, "Where is this person coming from? What makes them tick? Why are they excited or frustrated by something that is happening, whether it's about computing or beyond computing?"' --Harry McCracken, Fast Company
"Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do." --Deepak Chopra, author of How To Know God
"Dr. Rosenberghas brought the simplicity of successful communication into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies for communicating with others will set you up to win every time." --Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power
"Marshall Rosenberg'sdynamic communication techniques transform potential conflicts into peaceful dialogues and create compassionate connections. I highly recommend this book." --John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus
"The 1 Book That Transformed Microsoft's Culture from Cutthroat to Creative." --Microsoft CEO, Satya Nadella, Inc
Though this book does not pose this question directly, it is a question that I’ve had to reflect on while reading this book. And I haven’t really liked what I’ve been forced to admit - that many of the ways we communicate in our everyday life take from the well-being of others.
Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication has caused me to reflect deeply on how I use communication in my day to day life, and the ways in which we can either give life to others or take it away. Every time that we communicate with others, we can either build deeper understanding, connection, and compassion, or we can simply ignore them or worse, create further disconnection and less understanding.
Marshall makes clear his ultimate goal, which is largely reflected in this book. “What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.” Practically, Marshall outlines the tenets of Nonviolent Communication, a system he developed as a counselor and spent his career teaching all over the world. At its core, Nonviolent Communication is about communicating honestly and receiving empathetically, a way of communicating that “leads us to give from the heart.” Underneath each aspect of nonviolent communication is four key components: observations, feelings, needs, and requests. In his estimation, all frustration and anger is about unfulfilled need, and therefore our communication should be about getting to the core of those needs. Though it sounds simple, this is profoundly difficult; most of us are unaware of the needs we truly have, and communicating those needs is incredibly difficult, even in close relationships.
While some of it can read as touchy-feely or robotic language, I’ve found this book to be both challenging and inspiring. On a practical level, I’ve found Rosenberg’s work to resonate deeply with me at a time where I feel few people are heard or really communicate fully and honestly what they think, both in public and in private. Secondly, as someone who studies Communication, I see significant overlap with Rosenberg’s suggestions with significant realms of Communication scholarship that suggests to me that this is much more than some counselor’s idealistic approach to being in the world. True, there has been no empirical research done on this, but I think there are still deep truths and practical tips that could help anyone and everyone communicate in ways that enrich the lives of others.
In the end, I encourage you to read this book. For those that want 30,000 feet, skim through it and you’ll be better for its overarching ideas. For those that want in-depth tips, Rosenberg is clear and precise in showing you how to implement the language. And if you read this and don’t like it, leave a comment and tell me about it so we can dialogue more about it. I know for me, I’m better for reading this book, and I think I’ll show up for others better too.