Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings (英語) ペーパーバック – 2011/4/1
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Resilience is also about confronting the overwhelming stress kids face today. This invaluable guide offers coping strategies for facing the stresses of academic performance, high achievement standards, media messages, peer pressure, and family tension. Young people too commonly survive stress by indulging in unhealthy behaviors or by giving up completely The suggested solutions offered here are aimed at building a repertoire of positive coping strategies. Kids who have these healthy strategies in place may be less likely to turn to those quick, easy, but dangerous fixes that adults fear. The book includes a guide for teens to create their own customized positive coping strategies.
The second edition of this award-winning book continues to focus on parents, but now also offers wisdom about how schools and communities can best support families. It is updated throughout and entirely new chapters offer strategies on how best to: support military families, confront the negative portrayal of teens, prevent perfectionism and support authentic success. Finally, the book now guides parents how to recharge and rebound when their own resilience reaches its limits.
Kenneth R. Ginsburg, MD, MSEd, FAAP is an associate professor of pediatrics at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine and practices adolescent medicine at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. He is the author of ?But I'm Almost 13!": An Action Plan for Raising a Responsible Adolescent and the coauthor of Less Stress, More Success: A New Approach to Guiding Your Teen Through College Admissions and Beyond. He lives in Philadelphia.
This really is a good book for the parents of tweens and teens. The author gives specific advice based on age group, so he's not telling you to do things the same for an 8 year old that he would for a 16 year old. Although the focus is on resilience, it's also really helped my relationship with my 15 year-old as well. I never realized how much I "lectured" until I read this book, but now I know what to do instead and it really has changed how I communicate with my daughters in a positive way. My 15 year-old has actually started having conversations with me instead of giving me one word answers!
Great book, but don't wait til your kids are tweens or teens to read it!
Building Resilience in Children and Teens builds resilience in parents by boosting our own "7 crucial C's." Dr. Ginsburg practices what he preaches by teaching parents healthy coping mechanisms, building our confidence and competence to handle our children's pain as they make mistakes and learn to fix them on their own.
I echo the reviewer who said "Run, don't walk, to your computer to order this book!"
As with other education books I've purchased through Amazon, I recommend "Building Resilience" to all parents. But I strongly recommend this book to prospective parents and to those who feel that they want to be parents. This book covers in detail all or most of the problems and situations parents encounter when raising children. Encountering such problems is the reason I had no desire to be a parent. The best I can do is to quote some of the text in this book. The first sentence in the Preface: "When we look at children today, we see them in the moment. We rarely picture a cute 5-year-old or a texting preteen as an adult. But we must prepare children to become healthy, productive, contributing 35-year-olds if their generation is to repair our world, and lead us into the future."
Has that not been the sentiment over the past 70 years or so? But has anything changed? No. The present government/corporate controlled education won't permit this. Our existing education system wants to produce only obedient, non-thinking drones to serve the agenda of the ruling elite. As Pink Floyd says in his "Brick in the Wall": "Teacher! Leave them kids alone". Again, this is my opinion, not that of the author who I feel has no problem with state-controlled schooling.
How often have we heard the comment, "I want my kids to have the things I didn't have when I was young"? Do we want it to be easy for the kids? Will making it easy really help the kids solve problems or endure stressful conditions? "If we could immunize children from all disappointments and stress, would they ever have the chance to experience the satisfaction of facing a challenge, recovering, and discovering that they are able to cope with tough situations?"
There is some misunderstanding of the words "stupid", "ignorant", "fail", and "mistake". Kids aren't stupid. I suggest that baring major brain problems, kids cannot be stupid. Only adults can be stupid. We, as well as kids can be ignorant, which simply means not knowing about some things. I am ignorant about many things, but I'm not stupid. Do kids fail at trying to do things? No. They just learn what doesn't work through trial and error. A mistake is doing something that one should already know not to do. And only adults can make mistakes.
Here is something I've often wondered about, even when I was a teen. Why do teens commit reckless and irresponsible things-- impulsive reactions to stress? Drinking and driving fast, getting into fights, or feeling invincible. It seems that every year towards high school graduation, one or more teens are killed in alcohol-related auto accidents. All the students are in mourning for a week or so. Then things get back to normal. Then this "syndrome" repeats itself generation after generation. In the book, "How Children Succeed" (Paul Tough) pages 21-22, the psychologist Laurence Steinberg says that there are two parts of brain that develop at different times. The first part he calls "incentive processing" which is the cause of this impulsive actions. The second part he calls "cognitive control" matures later when the child is in his twenties. This control mechanism restricts the impulsive actions. Ginsburg mentions this on page 32.
Ginsburgs "7 C's"--Confidence in the child's efforts and abilities by instilling confidence in youth by praising, but not praising the result, but praising the effort the child puts into something; Connection with friends, family, and community; Character in the sense of right and wrong; Contribution in making a better world; Coping with stress by realizing the difference between a real crisis and some passing inconvenience; Control in the child's knowing that he can control the outcomes of his actions. Under Coping, Ginsburg urges parents to give the child ample time to use play and imagination as tools to solve problems. Actually, various authors suggest that play is the best way to learn. Check out the books and videos of Alexander Neill (Summerhill School) John Holt, Jonathan Kozol, and Paul Tough.
I intended to touch on the key parts of this book. But that would take many pages. Just read this book as it has more material than I can cover here.