いちばん大切な私 あなたらしく生きるための「5つの出会い」「7つの選択」 単行本 – 2004/3/20
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Your life has a root core that, once understood, unlocks a powerful force to create the life the way you want. Key questions and an amazingly clear "map" are now at your fingertips so you can "Live by Design."
In this groundbreaking work, Dr. Phil challenges you to find your "authentic self" -- that person you have always wanted to be, but were too distracted, busy, or scared to become. Instead, you have created a "fictional self" -- taking on the identity of who you believe you are supposed be. The incongruence between these two selves is what leads you to feel that your life is incomplete, unbalanced, and more difficult than it should be.
In Self Matters, Dr. Phil helps you to demystify your self-concept, and learn how to reclaim your authentic self. You can learn to think beyond the excuses and fears that have masked the person you want to be. By facing the cards life has dealt you, you can relearn how to best react to them.
Self Matters is one of the most forward-thinking works on self-concept and self-esteem ever published. We get only one chance in this world. Dr. Phil shows all how to make the most of it.
KEY ELEMENTS TO IDENTIFY AND BRING INTO ACTION ORIENTED FOCUS INCLUDE:
- What are the ten most defining moments of your life?
- What are the seven most critical choices you have made to put you on your current path?
- Who are the five most pivotal people in your world and how have they shaped you?
The main idea in this book might seem unfamilliar or unnatural to many Japanese. Paradoxically this is why I think more Japanese should read this book. It seems to me that many young people in Japan are suffereing from exactly the same sympthom depicted in this book--losing the sense of "authentic self", and are living lives imposed on them from the society. By reading this book, they might, as in the case of mine, realise that their own wants and needs should come first, and discover ways to be truely independent, FREE, energetic person.
You'll need a journal to write stuff in for this book. So what the difference between this one and The Self Matters Companion is really unclear; from what I saw the companion book has space for your writing, though I doubt it'll be enough. This book takes some of the concepts from other books and mixes them with personal stories from Dr. Phil, the purpose to spark some memories within yourself to apply to the exercise you will take over the next few days. And you should expect to take quite a bit of time to finish these exercises, being as thorough as possible, as honest as possible; some of the later exercises, especially the 5-step Plan, could take a couple weeks. Don't rush through the book and jot down anything or you'll be wasting your time.
You owe it to yourself to find out what you really want in life, to do the best you can for yourself, to be honest with yourself and others. This book showed me that I had to forgive myself after years of self-abuse, self-hatred, guilt, and shame. I couldn't have done it without the help from this book.
Dr. Phil's main point is simple: a person may be unhappy and tormented by internal pain but we create our lives "from the inside out." We have one shot on this earth and face a simple choice: are we going to live our lives as we would truly like to live them or are we going spend our time here being defined, "typecast," hammered down, discouraged, de-energized -basically, CONTROLLED -- by outside forces(relatives, friends, expectations and past events)? Do you live according to what he calls the "authentic self" or do you live a life and identity others have given you, much like a casting director fills a part? And how to do you find out what you REALLY want and who you REALLY are (not how friends and relatives typecast you)?
Here are several big reasons why you MUST buy Self Matters:
1. DR. PHIL WALKS THE WALK: He changed his life. Originally he'd start each day unexcited, not proud of who he was since "everything I was doing was chosen to please other people by meeting their expectations while totally ignoring my own...I knew I wasn't living the life I was meant to live." He realized he had "betrayed who I was and instead accepted a fictional substitute that was defined from the outside in. I betrayed myself, and mine was a life and an experience that was a fraud and a fiction."
2.HE GIVES YOU SPECIFICS THAT IMMEDIATELY GET ANSWERS: He writes
in "tough love" style, including exercises and tests that help you take stock of who you REALLY are. He helps you painstakingly trace the key influences in your life, defining moments (good and bad), influential people, pivotal choices you made that led to who you are now -- and then shows you how to make NEW choices and create NEW behaviors to create new, more productive results...and live the life you were truly MEANT to live.
3. USE IT AS POTENT MENTAL SELF DEFENSE for when people try to force you into roles or define you as THEY wish to define you -- whether in the job they expect you to do, the personality traits and flaws they insist you to have, the negative predictions they make about you or your success. "You can't be you if you don't know you," he writes.
4. IT WILL CALM YOU: Living for your fictional self, he writes, "is a dangerous state of being that diverts, absorbs, and robs your life energy." People "sell out" and get used to "living an assigned role, rather than living " to who they really are.
5. IT HELPS YOU DISRUPT MENTAL TERRORISTS IN YOUR LIFE: He teaches you to be acutely aware of the negative mental "tapes(values, beliefs and experiences) constantly playing over and over in your head, limiting you. And, most IMPORTANTLY: how to detect "life scripts" that others may be forcing on you --a set of instructions telling you how to run your life, based on THEIR fixed beliefs...including how things will turn out for you (more often then not you are given the message that you will fail or risk or change is doomed and these will be stated to you as FACT and reality).
6. MY PERSONAL TESTIMONY ON HIS IDEAS: Twelve years before reading this book I quit nearly 20 years in journalism to become an entertainer (ventriloquist). I now realize in reading Self Matters that I unknowingly had applied his techniques. They WORK. And I have no regrets. But the biggest problem I have since faced are "tapes" still playing in my head, put on "play" by others, who constantly also bombard me with the life's scripts drawn up many years ago, defining me THEIR way.
I bought Self Matters while being battered by relatives' life's scripts. These activated my internal mental "tapes," bigtime. Reading this book saved me from immobilizing depression this summer. After reading Self Matters, to my genuine surprise, I could quickly pinpoint when the internal "tapes" played, and when I was being pressured to be the character cast in one of their "scripts" (typecast in countless ways). I realized it did not reflect reality. Today they still try to define me with life scripts drawn up decades ago. But it's harder for them to succeed : I know who I am INSIDE -- and it's not who they think I am. I think they'll just have to cast another actor...