Adjustment Disorder (AD) has the potential to affect anyone who is thrust into an emotionally overwhelming or life changing event. While AD is closely related to anxiety and depression, it is in most cases a short-term condition which nonetheless can lead to drastic responses if left untreated. Himeka Nakamoto’s new book, Arigatō, watashi Nogizaka 46 o sotsugyō shite, shinri kaunserā ni naru made (roughly translated as “Thank you, I graduated Nogizaka 46 and became a psychological counselor”) began as a diary of her daily struggles with AD during her time as an active Idol in Japan.
For researchers of Nogizaka46, this book is a must-read in order to solve one of the great mysteries of the group’s formative years. Himeka Nakamoto is one of the key performers responsible for Nogizaka’s rise to become one of the most popular Idol groups in history. This book reveals the untold story of Ms. Nakamoto’s challenges and struggles to maintain her “Himetan” image as Japan’s national sweetheart in the face of an ever-worsening struggle through a demanding professional schedule, and her perceived failure to reach her goals. Until now, the great unanswered question has been “Why did one of history’s most endearing and talented Idols, who was loved and adored by millions, disappear from the world stage seemingly overnight?” Ms. Nakamoto’s premature retirement in the prime of her career, combined with her withdrawal from public life, still reverberates in the wounded yet hopeful hearts of her fans. Along with Ms. Nakamoto herself, they also suffered because of the cruel condition, eventually diagnosed as Adjustment Disorder, that took her from them; yet they still remember and support one of the most unforgettable performers ever to wear the twin-tail hairstyle and the designation of “Idol”. However, before I get into the review, I guess I should explain exactly how it is that an American like me landed here to give my opinion on her wonderful book in the first place.
I’m an older guy residing in the United States who understands precious few words of the Japanese language, but my son has been studying it for several years. During the Covid quarantine of 2020, in an effort to search for examples of Japanese dramas to help sharpen our language skills, we were fortunate to discover that Netflix was streaming the live-action version of Kakegurui, the Japanese-produced adaptation of the anime series. In the second season, I was particularly struck by the hilarious performance of Sayuri Matsumura and her interpretation of the “Yumemi” Idol character. Though this was obviously a parody, it still represented something completely unknown to me. I was especially intrigued by the references and allusions to the symbiotic relationship between the fans who led the choreographed cheers, and the “Idols” who sang and danced onstage. Thus began my attempt to enlighten myself; I started my research by trying to answer what I thought would be a simple question, which was: “What is an Idol”?
The first few steps were simple enough; I back-tracked through Matsumura-san’s information and found out that she herself was an extremely successful and popular Idol in a group called Nogizaka46, and one of the 36 original first generation members. Fortunately, there are videos on the internet of many of their performances and variety shows; it was here I began to realize the uniqueness of all these young ladies’ personalities and talents. There is also a treasure trove of English-speaking forums on the subject, and with the help of translating software, I was able to read many online Japanese encyclopedias and magazine articles as well. Though many of the members were reported to have gone on to great fame and exposure after graduation, it seemed that there was a common interwoven thread wherever I looked; this thread was an oft-repeated reference to a tragic and elusive early member named “Himetan” who had ended her career just when her star seemed to be rising the highest.
I’ll never forget the first video I saw of this beautiful legend; she was appearing on an early episode of the group’s flagship variety show “Nogizakatte, Doko?”. Though I had ample warning of the power of her signature move, I was nonetheless enchanted and captivated by my first exposure to the “Himetan Beam” as it is called. It was then that I knew I had received a revelation in answer to my original question; this amazing young woman, whom everyone – even the show hosts – called “Himetan” was the embodiment of everything an Idol should be. What was magical too was that, even though the footage was almost 8 years old, time had not diminished her appeal and her ability to convey hope and beauty through both time and space. In fact, she seemed to be the perfect expression of the ideal young Japanese woman that a person might expect to see in a civic poster.
Further research led me to understand that, like show business anywhere, there was a human cost involved; and as to be expected, the most emotionally vulnerable personnel were the young women performers themselves. The first-generation girls (and the second-gens to perhaps the same delayed extent) were the face of a business venture that at its core is a multi-million Yen conglomerate, with an army of accountants, media specialists, and business professionals utilizing an aggressive and hungry business model. If we momentarily set aside the mental and emotional stresses that the girls endured, fortunately for their physical health they are (especially in Nogizaka’s case) seen as “National Treasures”, and their virtue and lifestyle are a carefully structured and monitored metric. Their schedules, diets, exercise routines, and personal lives are carefully regimented, lest some “scandal” reflect negatively upon the image of the group. Though their personal freedoms are somewhat limited, these women are famous as the national faces of Japan and serve as role models for millions of young girls. It was into this world that a young 15-year-old Himeka-san entered in 2011 with the hopes of fulfilling her lifelong dream: that of becoming the perfect expression of what she envisioned an Idol should be.
As the middle child in a family of talented over-achievers, Ms. Nakamoto had already spent the entirety of her young life developing high standards for herself. Though little is known publicly about her older sister, her younger sister Suzuka-san is also well-known as the front woman for the popular band BABYMETAL. When looking at the fame and success they both achieved, it is no doubt due to the mutual support that these two sisters gave each other in their formative years, especially the time spent performing onstage together. As they evolved musically in different directions, their stage personas also diverged, with Himeka’s pure and idyllic “Himetan” contrasting sharply with Suzuka’s “Su-metal” character.
I’ve heard it said from entertainers that it is often easier to play the part of a villain as a character actor than it is to play an “Angel-In-White,” especially when the time comes to separate oneself mentally from the role they play onstage. After all, who doesn’t wish to have a life where every day they wake up well-rested, smiling, full of energy and devoid of worries? This was the essence of the Himetan character, and one that became increasingly difficult to maintain as Ms. Nakamoto’s personal struggles mounted. The book discusses this, and it is inspiring to see Ms. Nakamoto’s growth as she comes to the realization that the work and effort she put into the “Under Members” team leaves an indelible and positive mark on the group’s legacy. Though this epiphany happens in hindsight, it is a living testament to these “unchosen” women who were able to take the ridiculously small budget allotted to them by the company and create performances and music that stand every bit the equal in comparison to their more lavishly funded and promoted Senbatsu sisters. When one also adds in the rabid devotion of the fans who specifically supported the Under Members and their cult-like status, this positive effect was soon felt and reflected in revenue from concerts, handshake events, music sales, and promotional products. From a return-on-investment perspective, the Under Members “sang for their supper” in spades.
I would be remiss in my review if I didn’t acknowledge the subject of Ms. Nakamoto’s struggle with Bulimia Nervosa, one of the symptoms of Adjustment Disorder, which is discussed in some detail. Body positivity issues are perhaps always common to some extent wherever groups of young women are around to compare themselves to one another; but in the case of Ms. Nakamoto, she judges herself exceedingly harshly. Speaking for western fans, her shapely and feminine body conformed perfectly to our ideal, and if the truth be told, probably Japan and the rest of the world agrees. Even within Nogizaka, several other women were blessed with a similar body type which added a beautiful diversity to the dance routines. Though Ms. Nakamoto blames her perceived weight issues for her failure to be selected for the early Senbatsus, I suspect that, as much as anything, the criteria for selection had to do with the incredible harmonies both groups were capable of producing, and the desire to match the girls’ vocal gifts to achieve the magical combination. For reference, I would refer the reader to listen to the Under Members’ recording of Futougou that was centered by Ms. Nakamoto. The entire song is a masterpiece (as well as the music video), and this magic is most evident in the mix where one can specifically hear the duos of Ms. Nakamoto and Hinako Kitano at the beginning, in addition to Kana Nakada and Mahiro Kawamura singing the contralto duet; to my ears, this has yet to be equaled in any group combination before or since.
Of course, like the rest of us, had she been able to see into the future and better understand her role in the big picture, much of her stress could probably have been relieved. However, from her perspective at the time, her belief that validation hinged on acceptance into the Senbatsu (while completely unaware of the history she was making with the Under Members) led to a litany of symptoms of unbridled stress such as eating disorders and insomnia. Perhaps if she had realized that the fans’ love was and is for the entirety of Himeka and not just the part of her that she sees as Himetan, this negative energy could have been re-directed in a more positive manner. In the final analysis, the positive energy conveyed in Himetan was solely the result of Ms. Nakamoto’s efforts, and in this endeavor, she was, as the French like to say, “Sans Pareil.” Thus, at the end of my search to define what constitutes an Idol, my answer was revealed in the voices and comments of her Nogizaka sisters that know her best; when they were asked the same question, they always pointed at Himeka-san and proclaimed with one voice: “She is!”
The climax of the book and what we westerners might call “The moral of the story” comes when Ms. Nakamoto, after a long absence, attends the graduation of Nogizaka’s captain Reika Sukurai, whom she has always considered to be the most beautiful member of the group. While I won’t give it away, suffice it to say that her breakthrough moment, in which she finally begins to love herself, is a beautiful and unforgettable event. This moment of redemption alone is worth the price of the book and the half-week shipping wait from Japan, even if one includes the effort it took to translate into English.
In closing, I’ve come to realize that many stories make up the epic drama that is the history of Nogizaka46, and while it may seem unfortunate for Ms. Nakamoto to be chosen by fate to play the part of the tragic hero, her sacrifice and the career that sprang from it is perhaps the greatest gift of all to those who struggle with similar issues. While we all put on some kind of mask to show the public when we leave the comfort of our homes, Himeka-san’s career choice to be a counselor as a post-Nogizaka graduate is exactly the kind of profession one would expect an adult “Himetan” to pursue as a way to bring hope, beauty, and compassion to a suffering world. From this perspective, I hope Ms. Nakamoto finds happiness and peace by knowing in her heart that the gift of joy she gives to the world is found in being herself, no matter what beautifully silly nicknames those that love her may refer to her as. As her young life moves forward, her life story will have many more wonderful chapters waiting to be written. Hopefully, her global fan network will be privileged to share in her stories of success. I look forward to filling my bookshelf with her adventures.
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