The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands: What Successful Marriage is Really About [ペーパーバック]

First, let me say that I am a very independent, very headstrong, liberal wife who has a higher education than her husband (masters' degree), owns a business and takes no B.S. from anyone. When this book came out, I truly thought it was a joke. WHO WOULD WRITE A BOOK LIKE THIS OUTSIDE OF THE 1950s?! And WHERE IS THE "PROPER CARE... OF WIVES"?! To add 'insult', a coworker of my husband (whose wife stays at home with their 4 kids because they feel that this is THE role wives are SUPPOSED TO take on), is the one who offered to lend it to me. I thought, "this will be interesting" but can't criticize until giving it a shot, right???

Ok - there's the background - here's the review:

I couldn't put the book down and read it in a just over a day. While I don't agree 100% with all that Dr. Laura says, and as another reviewer commented that there are parts that men may find insulting, this book has changed my life, and as a result it has changed my husband's life - both for the better. After 7 years of marriage, we are clicking like we never have before. I can't explain it to you, or to my married best friends whose jaws dropped as I confessed to them over margaritas that I NOT ONLY READ the book but I LOVED the book.

All I can say is that the foundation makes sense. It doesn't bash working women - Dr. Laura is one, after all. But it does point out, not so discreetly, that your family - the family you have chosen to create - should come above all else. And that the EXTREMISM of some aspects of the feminist movement is self-destructive to women, men and society as a whole.

And as I turned each page and as I tried to rebel against some parts (I shouldn't BURDEN him with the tales of MY day??!), peel away the layers, let down your defenses and let it make sense. (It isn't that my day is less significant, but men and women communicate differently - vent to him about your day and he'll feel like a second class citizen and a failure for not being able to fix your stress. Vent to your girlfriends and they'll dish with you! Focus your time on your husband, family, relationship, etc., once you get home instead.) AND LET ME TELL YA once you leave the work day at the door, your home becomes YOUR HOME again, too. So it's win-win! REALLY!!!

Dr. Laura's book includes parts and pieces of past calls and letters, which is a helpful, practical demonstration of her points and breaks things up so you don't feel like you're getting a lecture (especially if you are ready to admit you've been doing a few thngs wrong!). And as you can see the lightbulb go on with average Janes all over the country and across time in the dialogue- from them pushing back on her advice to (aha!) getting her message during their conversations, you see the pettiness we can cling to and frankly, the underlying simplicity in each of her messages.

OK - still skeptical? Then rent it at the library for free and give it a shot. Just TRY to put her ideas into practice - commit to changing for a week (if you aren't sold on changing your life)... What's the worst that can happen? If it's all wrong for you, you have just lost a quick week and you can pat yourself on the back for being right and you can write your own book. ;-)

But just think - what if it WORKS?! Then you will find a new meaning in your life that you didn't know you were missing. You will have a much happier and rewarding marriage. Your husband will adore you. (Sounds rough, huh?)

TRUST ME - I'm not about to become a submissive, mindless person rather than an equal partner in a relationship. But as I made a few MINOR tweaks in how I treat the man I chose to marry and spend the rest of my life with, I have received rewards from him 10-fold. And to think I thought I was doing it 'right' all along. ;0)

Even though I do not always agree with Dr. Laura, I enjoy listening to her. Mostly, it's because she has very strong beliefs and she stands firmly by them. Too often in our society people are wishy-washy out of desire to be "popular" and inoffensive. I admire her for her strength to stand for what she believes in or take an unpopular point of view. She's an inspiration for all of us to stand by our principles and, above all, to always be honest with ourselves and others.

"The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" is the first and only book by Dr. Laura that I have read. Overall, it is very much like her radio program, except that it is focused solely on what we as women can do to improve and maintain our marriage. Her style is conversational, no-nonsense, and down-to-earth. The advice that she dispenses is common-sense, practical, and time-tested. A large number of actual phone calls and letters make up the bulk of the book, as illustrations for the points that she makes.

The message of the book is that women have real power in marriage, since men, at their core, yearn for acceptance, approval, and appreciation (`the three A's'). Women, therefore, have the power to either make their husbands absolutely happy by giving them these three A's (which in turn makes men more willing to go the extra mile for their wives) or miserable by withholding them (which results in resentment and can ultimately lead to divorce). In this book, Dr. Laura exposes the problem in our society where women have a real need for control in their relationships, which manifests in them withholding affection, needlessly criticizing and otherwise alienating their husbands.

I can personally testify to the validity of advice that she gives. Being a child of a divorce, I struggled with all of these issues early on in my relationship and my marriage. Although I didn't have the benefit of this book at the time, I was lucky enough to be with a man who loved me and cared enough for me to stick around while I worked out all of these issues. He really taught me, through his actions, what "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" is all about - the importance of being unselfish, willing to compromise, and putting the relationship and the other person first. Doing so creates a virtuous cycle which invites the same behavior in the other person, thus bringing both people happiness and fulfillment.

Now being happily married, I believe that I'm already doing most of the things in the book. Still, it was a nice reinforcement of what I've learned through life experience and gave a few valuable pointers in the areas where I still have room for improvement. There were a couple of times while reading this book that I felt it was a bit redundant and lacked structure - mostly due to the author's need to reinforce certain points, as well as her overall conversational style. Despite these rather minor flaws, I still give this book five stars because there is nothing else quite like it out there. I believe that it should be a part of each married woman's library as the only marriage manual that she'll ever need.

I am a divorce attorney. Daily I listen at how people throw away their lives and their children's lives over silly things. Clearly, no one should remain in an abusive marriage, but Dr. Laura's book merely asks wives to be tolerant and polite to their husbands. In return, she believes that the couple's stress levels will reduce and the family will be more harmonious. It is basic advice which most spouses overlook. Be nice. Be kind. Remember to love one another. I like this book.