Love Smart: Find the One You Want--Fix the One You Got [ペーパーバック]

Dr Phil is spot on as usual.

This book is full of common sense. As you read you discover the great advice, which clearly is directed at women, yet much of it holds true for guys too. I can see how the strategies would work. As a guy I don't want to see all our secrets given away.

Among the many pieces of advice offered are have a life, overcome your own issues such as low self esteem, and learn to love yourself.

Issues can be overcome. After all, if you don't love yourself enough then you are relying on a guy for validation. How can you persuade a guy how fabulous you are if you don't believe it yourself.

That is not a permanent fix, at best its a dubious band aid. Guys know women with low self esteem are not good relationship material, so why do so many women say they have low self esteem. Go figure. The best thing is to be a self sufficient woman, be less available, have alternative plans. Give him the gift of missing you, if necessary. This creates mystery, which is a vital ingredient for developing a relationship. Less is more.

Letting go of seeking perfection in a man is excellent advice. If a guy has 80% of the qualities you are looking for, you should bag him, tag him, and take him home. My sister once dated a guy, and said 'if he had a chipped front tooth he'd be perfect.' So even perfection is not all its cracked up to be.

Develop an abundance mentality. Women search for 'the one'. There are many who fit the bill from a pool of billions to choose from. Let go of scarcity.

I thought the advice on bringing up the subject of marriage was particularly good, avoiding the ultimatum. Another book I read mentions that women have to bring up this subject almost 70% of the time.

The advice on date topics and questions is also excellent. There should be a rule about not talking about your job, the weather, and telling the story of your life like a history lesson, and conducting a date like a job interview. These are just routine, and guys get these types of conversations from their buddies. Excluding these topics forces you to be interesting. Talk about what excites you instead.

Unlike other bestselling dating books, I can see how this book would work, and the more you apply the concepts the better they will work for you.

Oh, and if you want to improve your ability to love yourself and others, I recommend Soul Love: Awakening Your Heart Centers (Roman, Sanaya) by Sanaya Roman, in which you use your imagination and work with your chakras. It literally is a heartwarming book. My number one recommend in this genre is Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship. B.I.T.C.H means Babe In Total Control of Herself.

Hope this was useful.

With genuine insight and a tell-it-like-it-is approach, Dr. Phil helps women re-claim who they are, from the inside out, the REAL you, and shares how to shine so that you can either attract the kind of man you would love to have in your life, or if you are in a relationship, how to improve it, grow through the hard times together, to make it a better and stronger relationship than it was before.

The whole wonderful key in this book is to BE WHO YOU ARE!

There are great ideas for meeting someone by going to places that you really like, and naturally, you will meet someone who shares your interests - and what a nice way that is to meet someone!

Another great point is that "100 % Mr. Perfect" does not exist. Everyone has quirks, personality differences, and if you meet someone who matches most of your preferences, ideas about life, similar views, without compromising on YOUR truth and integrity, then you stand a great chance of having a fulfilling relationship. So his 80 percent solution provides some great insight to better help you to create a great relationship with someone who does have 80% of what you are looking for, (as long as the other 20% brings no harm to you on any level) rather than pass up someone while you chase after the 100% perfect myth.

All in all, with respect to some of the negative reviews, I do not feel that Dr. Phil is pandering to anyone. Quite to the contrary, he is giving expert advice to women who can use a good dose of self love, self appreciation, and the confidence to be yourself so that you CAN attract the great match you deserve, or significantly enhance life with the one you are with!

Barbara Rose, Ph.D. author of Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE and Know Yourself: A Woman's Guide to Wholeness, Radiance & Supreme Confidence

I think the title says it all. As Dr Phil says, dating is a game and we need the best strategy. I used to go in full force, leaving nothing a mystery. If I didn't get a call from HIM, I'd be phoning him 20 times a day. Forget caller ID and screening, I was determined that if he saw how into him I was, he'd be turned on. WRONG! I was, as Dr Phil says, screaming "desperate." I think all you ladies out there have been there...

What I needed was confidence in myself. Chapter 3 THE CHARACTER OF YOU really helped me get clear on who I am, which is the most important thing. I've done the "bait and switch," pretending to be the thing a guy most wanted, only to turn out to be a completely different person. IT NEVER WORKED. As you can see, I needed a new game plan, one that was based on being genuine. Dr Phil's message is all about that, and I LOVE THAT about this book.

Plus, it offers real strategies, ones EVEN I CAN USE. Like Infra-red Dating (the questions to ask to get to the core of him and where he's coming from without sending him running).

I needed this. Dr Phil has set me on a path towards coupledom. And in the process, I came to feel so much better about myself.