I Don't Want to Be Crazy: A Memoir of Anxiety Disorder (Push) [ハードカバー]

Reading this book is almost like reading somebody else's diary. Samantha Schutz is open and honest with the most intimate details of her life during a nightmarish four year period from the end of high school through college graduation.

All the uncertainty of her life is here - leaving the familiarity of home for the first time, her relationships with guys, with her parents, with other girls, and with herself. And through it all a psychological disorder is slowly creeping into her life, undiagnosed at first, then openly destructive, and finally raging out of control. Samantha Schutz struggles between suicidal tendencies and efforts to beat the disorder. The therapy and drugs become a whole separate battlefield where she sometimes wins, often loses, and in some cases ends up worse off than she was before.

Reading the author's account of her journey is sometimes painful, and it was hard for me not to skip to the end to find out how her story ends. I Don't Want to be Crazy would be a compelling drama if it were fiction; the fact that is a true account makes it all the more intense.

The events in this book are written in the form of free verse poetry. Those three words normally send me running for cover, but Samantha Schutz chose this format for a reason. She conveys images and emotions with an intensity that the wordiness of prose cannot deliver. The words are few and carefully chosen, and their emotional impact is much greater because of it. This is free verse poetry written by a poet, and through it she accomplishes beautifully what she set out to do.

According to the book's postscript, anxiety disorders affect more than one in ten children and adolescents in America. Whether you realize it or not, chances are you might already know somebody who lives with an anxiety disorder. I Don't Want to be Crazy gives an inside look at the way they may be experiencing events that for us are merely an unremarkable part of our day. The clarity and candor of this book provide a valuable understanding for those of us who are looking in from the outside. And for anyone who recognizes themselves in these pages, it offers hope for coming to terms with the disorder and carving out a normal life despite the persistent looming threat of another anxiety attack.

I recommend this book to anyone in high school or older, but teens, young adults, and parents of teenagers will find it especially pertinent. And if you do know someone who has an anxiety disorder, you absolutely must read this book immediately!

Samantha herself gave me a copy of this book, and I cannot tell you what a true gift it was. As a woman who has struggled with my own anxiety disorder for almost 10 years, the honesty and reality of her story moved me often to the point of tears. Everyone who feels alone with their anxiety, or who knows someone who suffers from an anxiety disorder, should read this book, if only to know that THEY ARE NOT ALONE. Knowing Samantha and seeing firsthand what a lovely, sane, compassionate, accomplished woman she has become, in spite of her disorder, makes her book all the more powerful for me, because it shows me that there is hope! I recommend this book to anyone!

Samantha Schutz's I DON'T WANT TO BE CRAZY tells of Samantha, who leaves home for college filled with expectations and excitement. As she revels in change, new pressures evolve and she begins to suffer anxiety attacks that threaten her newfound independence. Few stories are written to explore older teens leaving home and the pressures they face: I DON'T WANT TO BE CRAZY is an excellent commentary on pitfalls and stress.